Manual Fear Not: Untying the Knot of Fear

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Because the roles of women and girls remain restricted in patriarchal societies across the world, families often marry off daughters at this age, believing their honour hinges on keeping girls virgins until marriage.

In addition, families often pay lower dowries if they marry their daughters at younger ages. Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting with a diverse group of 45 programme implementers, government officials, philanthropic funders, researchers and policy advocates—all of them gathered to think deeply about this very issue. The meeting started with a discussion of sexuality as a driver of early and child marriage.

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This belief has a variety of harmful consequences. Families and communities view marrying girls as children as the best way to prevent them from having romantic relationships outside of marriage. At a time when these girls are starting to experience changes in their bodies, feelings and attractions, they are simultaneously expected to never do anything that might challenge strict social norms about how they should behave.

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Meanwhile, they are not provided any information about sexual and reproductive health—yet, once married, they are expected to quickly become sexually active and produce children. At our convening, we discussed concrete examples of work that incorporates sexuality as a platform to improve the lives of girls—from community-level programmes in Pakistan, Nigeria and Guatemala, to research in Brazil and advocacy at the United Nations.

For example: we talked about how risky it can be to openly discuss issues of sexuality in India, where the topic is highly taboo. Many people working for nonprofit organisations fear being shut down or worse if they provide forthright sexuality education in this context. Although many people frown upon teenage girls participating in sports and doing activities outside their homes, these projects encourage girls to subtly break social norms around what they can do with their bodies and lives.

It plants a seed without our consent in your mind to protect us from any danger, but it soon spread away like a deadly virus through our veins, making our senses extra sharp because it smells fear; fear coming from the pores of our body. It makes it harder to breathe and you wonder if you can ever be a normal functioning human again.

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The slump in your throat gets bigger when worries occupy in a constant state in the back of your mind. When one worry goes away, another one pops up again before you had the time to recover from it. Anxiety is awkward. It makes even the most ordinary moments extremely uncomfortable.

Even laying still in a warm bed you can feel the uneasiness. Trying to get rid of that unsettling feeling will make it even stronger and keep you away from a well-deserved rest. It had its moments of deep hibernation and moments of getting the next prey; us. Anxiety shows what we are scared of, mostly an image we have made in our mind before we need to take action, afraid of the consequences that may come with it.

Untie the knot of your worrying mind

Our senses make over-hours and our heart beats as if it is running a marathon every single day. I do think that with every problem, we tend to seek solutions as quickly as possible instead of looking into the roots of how anxiety had started. Take it branch by branch, break it and analyze what the causes are and what the consequences are. Untie to find out the root and take it from there. And only then, we may have a chance to beat this monster.

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